I mentioned earlier that a lot of fat people just want to disappear, to be seen (or not seen as the case may be) like everyone else. I’ve just about lost 20 lbs and two people have made comments. I find these comments extremely discomforting. I guess if I had asked someone if I looked different I’d feel better about it. It would be, in essence, on my terms. I don’t want anyone to notice, that’s the whole point. I just want to be like everyone else, everyone who is invisible. You wouldn’t say to a drunk or a drug addict, “ya know, you look great now that you’re not drinking every day”. But some how people who have lost weight invite comments or questions.
I have to say though – the first comment I received wasn’t as bad as it could have been. A very good friend said, “You know, I’ve noticed and you look great.” That was it, no “How did you do it?”, no “Wow, you look amazing, what are you doing? Even though it was a relatively inoffensive comment, my internal reaction was, “go eat”. I felt like the beast was rearing its ugly head. I felt open, raw, like somehow I was more vulnerable. And the food, which had always been my wall, was just waiting around the corner. I immediately ate something that I shouldn’t have and for that moment, felt better.
I’m new at the whole blogging thing, but I am going to attempt to post a picture. These two pictures I was actually thinner than I am now. I’m not like one of those people who are bedridden or haven’t left their house in years. I’m very active, just not super active. I work extremely long hours and have a very long commute. But during my work hours I don’t have any problems doing anything and I’m very grateful for that. I’ve met others who find even the simplest tasks more difficult, but I’ll go into that later. That said, this is me.
