The mind is a funny thing. When I started this journey I decided that I would make a rule that I would not weigh myself between meetings. I think that when people weigh themselves often, it messes with their mind. At least it did with me.
If I weighted myself and I lost weight, I’d be ecstatic and celebrate by eating something bad. If I didn’t lose weight, I’d comfort myself by eating something bad. It was a no win situation. Even these days when I weigh in at the meeting if I lose a couple of pounds I’m so proud of myself that I figure out a way to celebrate and eat something decadent. If I haven’t lost any weight I’m in the frame of mind ‘why even bother’. I’m never going to lose this weight. I might as well eat whatever I want. And I do.
Today I lost .2 pounds. I am severely disappointed but I’m also happy. These past two weeks have been really hard on me emotionally. Work has been more stressful than usual.
A typical day within the past two weeks starts out great – grapefruit for breakfast, …then at lunch I’d get a salad and be so proud of myself that I’d add a cup or more of fat free frozen yogurt. Now for some reason the frozen yogurt isn’t enough. I used to load up the crushed Oreo cookies. Now instead I add dry hot chocolate powder to the yogurt and oh my God is it good. It’s sweet and has a texture similar to cake batter. I remember eating ice cream like that when I was a kid. Still love it.
In the afternoon I’m so disappointed in myself for eating the frozen yogurt that I have celery for dinner. I have it with ww low fat cream cheese, which is wonderful by the way. It’s actually pretty filling and on the ww program it’s only 1 point.
I get home last and of course I’m hungry. I don’t feel like anything heavy, so I “treat” myself with weight watchers ice cream. What is it about ice cream for me? It soothes and comforts me and I feel like eating something I shouldn’t be.
I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Shocking, I know.
