It’s been too long and I’m too tired to say, “gee, it’s been so long”. So I’ll just say – I’m back.
I sit here a few pounds thinner, not many. I lost 30 lbs as of July and have been working so very hard to gain 10 of it back. I stopped seeing my therapist and funny enough, I don’t remember when. That must mean something.
I’ve had some breakthrough’s – at least they’re breakthrough’s to me – to anyone else they might be just the ramblings of a middle-aged woman who’s stuck in adolescence.
Ever since I can remember I’ve hated coats and jackets. Yes, I do realize how odd that sounds. When I was around 11 years old my family had a huge financial set back. It’s a really long story that some day I’ll write about. But basically we barely had enough money for food let alone sweaters, coats or jackets. We lived in Northern California and the climate was pretty mild. On those days when I really needed a jacket my mother would insist that I didn’t need a jacket. She would say, “you’re only going from the car to the building, you don’t need a coat”. Only later did I realize that we couldn’t afford them. I was beginning to gain my weight and had grown out of my old coats that were purchased when we had money.
For years I thought I didn’t like to wear jackets because of that. I convinced myself that I didn’t need to wear one. After all I was only going from the car to the store or the car to the school and on and on.
Only a few weeks ago as I was falling asleep did I remember or should I say *not* remember something bad. As a child some times my parents took me and my siblings to a party at a relatives or friends house. If we began to get sleepy or cranky and they weren’t finished drinking, they would put me in someone’s bed room, usually the room that held all the coats.
Once when this happened something bad happened too. No, I don’t know exactly what happened. Only that it did happen. It was bad and it changed my life.
Is it cold in here?
