When I first decided to unleash my deep dark secrets on this blob I was pretty clear that my beast was related to my weight and all the problems associated with it. It seems I have at least more than one.
I’m coming to understand that everyone has a few beasts that are threatening their very happiness, health or sanity – sometimes all three.
As I sit here typing I’m following doctors orders by drinking 32 ounces of water without peeing in preparation for an ultrasound I have scheduled later today. The idea is to drink the water a full hour before the test begins. While I’m proud to say that I can hold my pee all the way from SFO (San Francisco Airport) to JFK, I usually don’t drink a lot when I travel. Yes, I have a lot of hang-ups or superstitions, as I like to call them. I fear that if I get up and use the restroom, we’ll crash. I assume the purpose of his exercise of drinking the water is to make you forget about how scared you are that you might have something seriously wrong.
Being at an age where a slight turn or misstep can result in injury, I’ve been pretty lucky in my old (46) age. No broken bones, no major injuries, no surgery except for having my gallbladder out two years ago.
Last week I noticed that the small of my back hurt like crazy and after a few days I was concerned it wasn’t going away. I also had very slight menstrual cramps.
Since the pain has only gotten worse, I went to see my doctor yesterday. I had an x-ray and urine test with no alarming results. The doctor said I had a little misalignment around L3 & L4, whatever that is. She ordered an ultrasound. I’m about to leave for that test in just a few minutes. And to say I’m scared is putting it mildly. I don’t know why I immediately go to that scary place where I should start planning my funeral and saying goodbye to my loved ones. And on top of it, I’m just crazy enough to think that even writing that could sway my fate.
We all have our demons that we need to confront and ultimately slay. I just hope the old saying is true – “You’re never given more than you can handle”. Here’s hoping.
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