Confronting the Beast

You know how the night before you start a diet you’re full of enthusiasm, ready to tackle this problem you’ve been putting off for months or years, ready to dive right in and finally tackle this monster? You go to sleep with new resolve and awake with complete and utter dread? I’ve always wondered what happens in those sleeping hours to completely unsettle your drive and dwindle your enthusiasm. After many years of nights and days like this, I’ve finally discovered the secret. Gather around and listen close because I’m only going to say this once… Diets Suck.

I know, I know. Every doctor and diet “specialist” will tell you – don’t go on a diet, make a “life change”. Oh please. If we were able to make a “life change”, don’t you think we would have done it years ago? If we were able to choose that apple over that candy bar, if we had the power to do that consistently, wouldn’t we have it done already?

The fact is that they are partially right, we do need to change many parts of our lives, but simply saying that we should just change our eating habits and patterns is ridiculous. It’s much more complex than that. Most people who are significantly overweight are hiding something. They are literally padding themselves against possible injury. The perceived injury could be from the opposite sex, people in general or (gasp!) themselves.

I’ve battled this demon, this monster, this Beast since I was 12. I’m now 46 and I’m only slightly closer to discovering this mystery. That’s 34 years (I’m good at math) of padding myself, of protecting myself from danger, from others, but mostly from myself. I’ve been to countless psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors, and only recently have I truly come close to the real problem. It’s not the diet industry or doctors or anyone but ourselves. It’s the beast, our individual, personal beast.

A few years ago I was driving to work contemplating going straight there or stopping at Dunkin Donuts for that divine chocolate creme filled donut. There were two distinct voices in my head, one saying, “do it!” said the other saying, “don’t do it”. It wasn’t the angel and devil arguing between themselves, it was me fighting myself (yes, I know that’s grammatically incorrect, but I’m taking artistic license here). Finally a voice loud and strong said, “Oh go ahead and feed the beast.” I did. I stopped there and bought two of those donuts and ate them before I even got near work.

It was at that exact moment that I discovered or recognized the Beast. The Beast is my protector, my guardian, my own enemy and myself. If you feed the Beast, you actually feel like you’re feeding yourself, protecting yourself, and shutting the voice up all in one fell donut.